8. Roll Out

This episode weighs heavy on my heart. I tried to edit it the best I knew how but found the best way was to let the honesty of Wahlea come through and simply change the names and shorten it a bit. I hope you agree. Trap Girl is still dealing with her anger – I think she is doing better, but it is an emotion she has always struggled with … she is definitely making headway. I continue to be proud of her accomplishments.

Trap Girl & The Anti-Hero League are back with more insights behind these prison walls. 

Guess who is now a level 2 & has 2 thumbs? Trap Girl! In other news, it seems Washington County is in the lead for locking up females. I’ve seen more girls come through that county than I’ve seen come from any other, except maybe Creek…

Needless to say there’s quite a few new girls here but the silver lining to that is a lot had to leave first in order for more to come in. We had probably 20 girls, just from my dorm, leave in the past 2 weeks! I miss all of you & I hope you’re doing well, but don’t come back now, ya hear! This place is still over-crowded though, the budget for meals is to feed about 500 women when in actuality there’s 1120 women here! I would say that’s a smidge over capacity as well as under budget, but what do I know, I’m just a criminal!

The lesson of the week would probably be on controlling anger, I realize that living in such close proximity with other females that there’s going to be conflict, but I have a way of bringing it to the next level & not letting go like a puppy with a rag-doll. So far the best technique I’ve learned is walking away but it wasn’t enough because the anger did not dissipate. I recently tried playing volleyball & serving the ball repeatedly until the anger subsided. My hand is black & blue but I’m not in lock & I’m a level 2!

Until next time, have a Wonderful Eddie Warrior Day!     ❤ Trap Girl

Rehabs For Quitters

Lemme tell you about myself, my name is Wahlea. I’m 23 years old. I was born in ******, OK. I have 2 amazing half sisters and I was in Orchestra for 8 years. I graduated high school at 17 years old. My father was strict, a biker and was hard on me. He dealt dope and used as well as the rest of my family. Drugs were normal to me. When I was growing up I had bikers who were patch holders sitting at a little table, knees up to their chest, in leathers with their pinkies out playing tea party for my entertainment. All my neighbors did and sold drugs. I was pretty much the only child because my sisters are 13 & 16 years older than me. Grew up without a lot of common “luxuries”. I had a water cooler until I was 16 then we moved and I got central heat and air. Got my 1st microwave at 16, we had a toaster oven that would pop the breaker box and my 1st toaster at 18. I was/am a weird person growing up. I didn’t really “fit” in anywhere. I still don’t fit in anywhere specific, but when I had drugs and money I had it all. I had “friends”.

Well at 18 I married my high school sweetheart. We had sobriety and along came 2 of the best things that God can give someone, my 2 daughters. They’re 19 months apart. When the youngest was born my husband and me started having problems and split 3 months after she was born. Well, how do I know how to make money? Drugs! duh. I thought as long as they’re not around my children it’s OK right? Wrong. Moved back in with my parents. My dad was slowing his role so he was haggin at me. Be a mom, stay home with your children, pull your head out of your ass … so on. I felt cornered, he was telling ME how to live my life? Ha! What a hypocrite! I get with this new guy, Joe, such a hunk to me. I move to Stillwater with him, we’re sober and working, my parents have my kids while I’m starting a new life and planning for them to move in with us – seeing them every weekend. And its going well, until we run into old “friends” … here we go into that old world again. We’re tight on money. I want my kids in the same house with me again. We can make some quick money if we make a few moves .. Well, we’ll get high just once .. or maybe just weekend warriors .. I mean what can it hurt?

We go wild! Stop seeing my kids as much. My parents are confused and hurt. I’m not talking to any of my family, really they don’t know where I am, if I’m OK – until I sober up a few days every couple weeks to see my kids .. My you’re awfully skinny, they say … Nope, I just look good. Ha! Whatever, I tell myself. Joe starts being controlling, I start using a needle. Things really get out of hand at this point … my dad gets sick and goes down hill REAL quick. He passed away Jan 5, 2015 … 2 weeks after I find out I’m pregnant … WTF!!! Bam! I don’t want to feel! I used until March. Me and Joe’s relationship is crumbling at this point, we split at the end of March.

We just get back together, I’m sober and still selling, still pregnant. We get busted April 2, 2015 at a motel with several other people … Damn. My first arrest. I’m 19 weeks pregnant. Dumb. I get out Aug 13 a day before my C-section to have my 8 lb 14 oz healthy baby boy. Wow, a miracle yet again! Me and and Joe are attending NA almost every day, staying sober being full time parents. He starts getting his 3 year old. We were a happy family again, with my mom living with us too, until the weekend before Thanksgiving. It’s cold and raining. A Saturday about 11 before midnight, we get a call, they’re gone … Who’s gone?!? My stepson, his mom and his sister – killed in a wreck. OH MY GOD! There goes our sobriety. Fuck it. Fuck everyone. Why would this happen? HOW could this happen?

We start using again and dealing again trying to run from a pain that no amount of drugs can mask. Me and Joe split in December. I catch new charges in February 2016. Possession with intent, paraphernalia and I’m going to prison … WHAT? 635.029 grams of dope in the trunk … Damn I’m caught again. I’ve got a warrant from missing court on my first case. They wanna give me 15 violent. I got my lawyer to get them down to nonviolent and 5 years DOC with my balance of my sentence suspended upon completion of Helping Women Recover, which is a 4 month program. I should be home by May 2017 … with my children.

I found out everyone who loved me so much, were my “best friends” never cared, they liked the drugs I had. I got locked up, they moved to the next sack. I’ve had no letter or phone calls except from and to my sister who has 6 children and my son and no money. Nothing from all those “solid” mother fuckers who just “loved” me. I lost myself in what I thought I’d never be. I let down the only 3 gifts life has given me. I can not wait to get out and start again. Quit relying on friends and create a sound and structured life on my own with out a man and focus on what I should have never lost sight of. I’ve been given yet another undeserved chance out of addiction for myself, my children, my honor and the future I still have as a 23 year old single mother. Sometimes as addicts we think we have a hold on our drug use but we can’t see what it’s doing to ourselves. I thought my children didn’t want for anything, but I missed the biggest piece … their MOMMY! It’s ALL about your PRESENCE not the PRESENTS. I can say I’m proud to be a quitter.

 

 

 

 

 

7. Where There’s a Will There’s a Way

In this episode you hear from Trap Girl, and two of her pals – Myra, her dear friend and confidant, and introducing Lil’ Boy Blue. I have also added a new rap I recently came across as I organized letters.

Another episode of Trap Girl somewhat live from Eddie Warrior’s Correctional Center. Trap Girl has banded together with other criminals from Tafrica (so named b/c the bugs here are weird & freaking huge!) to form Anti-Hero League, fighting against stupidity & closed mindedness one sarcastic remark at a time. Sadly the jokes can be somewhat “wasted” due to the antagonists comprehension level. You would think they were midgets the way everything goes over their heads, *cue drum roll roll sound effect please*

Another week gone & hopefully not another case to catch … let me introduce the newest member of the Anti-Hero League “Lil’ Boy Blue”, with her debut blog from a different perspective since I cannot write like her & everything is subjective, OK enough of that.

I’ve realized just how many women in here have so much potential but no resources to realize it with, it seems the only jobs available to women getting out of prison consist of asking, “Do you want fries with that?” I think this is partially due to a glass ceiling but blame lies on women as well. We have a tendency to have a “When the going gets tough, every woman for herself” mentality, which is not conducive to providing for ourselves comparably equal to our male counterparts. So I ask, what could we do to change that? I’m not sure, but I do know you’ve gotta start somewhere.

I recently had my amazing mother send me some books about quantum, theoretical & astro physics, as well as a few psychology books – more specifically about maintaining a healthy brain & understanding why we have mental health problems & how to fix them without “self-medicating” as so many of us do not have access to stable health care upon release from here. Since getting these books, I’ve had a slew of females inquire about them & then ask to read them when I’m done. In a female penitentiary there are 3 females waiting to read Stephen Hawking’s A Grand Design: 2 waiting to read Dr. Daniel G. Amen’s Fix Your Brain Fix Your Life; & one reading The Mind of God as well as a few reading some information on Wicca, meditation & spirituality.

All of this leads me to believe that there are intelligent women with a will to do more & the problem is there’s no existing way. Let’s broaden these women’s horizons so there is more to talk about than other people, celebrity divorces or who looked best in whatever weird shit designers are passing off as “clothes” nowadays. Let’s do some networking (I mean we were dealers, pimps, escorts so I know we know how to network) & keep books filled with innovation & useful knowledge inside these walls, let’s get magazines with REAL current events to educate women on what can happen if we band together with/for a common goal & better our gender.

This is Pepe (aka Trap Girl) saying Knowledge is Power so educate yourself & pass it on to others & let’s beat the system @ their own game … Legally

Hello World! I haven’t had any contact, or should I say, I’ve had minimal contact with anything or anyone outside walls and fences of confinement in a year now! Besides the letters I get from my mother (my #1 fan) and the occasional phone call home to speak to my 2 year old lil’ man, EWCC is sadly what I call my life now.

I really don’t know where to begin with this blog other than discussing exactly how I feel about where I am at in my journey .. some call this life, me? … I consider it a trip .. with bumps in the road and curves, bends, dead ends and turn arounds, overlooks and cliffs .. drop offs ….

Who would’ve ever thought that I, me, yes, this gal right here, would be layin on my rack contemplating my next words to entertain your interest in women’s prison info … LOL! After all, I waited till I was 35 to ever even get a ticket! I’ll be 41 in a month and I am another statistic! I fall into the “one who had it all and lost it to addiction” category. I used to be the one giving orders, I was the Boss, LOL! Now I am the one gettin orders. Barked at. Me, always looked at as a Suspect, “guilty in grey” LOL! BTW, the grey is getting old, fast, really, who designed this garb? They need to be shot! Um ..?? Is that pre-meditated or conspiracy or somethin? Anyway, they can steal my style, but not my smile! Ha!ha!

Anyway, I am a Lesbian, I have been in female relationships for over 10 years now … I did make the comment that they’d be better off lockin me up in the boys side, LOL! I do have a son and I have been married to men in the past but truly it’s of no interest to me now … I was told it would be like goin on a Lesbian cruise when I got here. Ha! Perpetrating Fraud all the way; I almost want to say I may be straight by the time I leave here! No Joke! I was like a kid in a candy store when I got here but as I blog, you will see what I mean … Women are soooo dramatic! Scandalous and cruel! There are some good ones but you really gotta watch yourself as you are lookin for them. If I would’ve paid money for this cruise, I would definitely get a refund then sink the ship! Just sayin!

till next time, Lil’Boy Blue

Well, here we are again, another week gone! Yay! So I look around this room at all the faces, all of them breathtaking in one way or another! Some wear their beauty where everyone can plainly see it, others would have to be spoken to if you wanted to find it. And then there are the ones that you could search their soul all day without even a clue as to where its hidden, now those are the ones that are only out for themselves. And in that case I personally want nothin to do with. But the ladies that seem to bend over backward to help a friend in need are the most precious of all! To take each other in like they’ve known them all of their lives, those are the friends I am most thankful for. And it seems they are the most unlikely group that has every been put together! There’s Pepe, who seems feared the most for her intelligence. Myra, the one who loves too hard, and Goldilocks, the social butterfly. They spend every free moment just helping each other with whatever needs helping; even if it means taking on a Sargent! Their bond is strong and their love is pure! They are just 3 of EWCC’s finest. LOL! 

The thing that scares me the most for us is Freedom! Our little Pepe just got into the Little Miss Goody Two Shoes club, and Goldilocks is waiting to get into the Break Your Spirit Boot Camp, and Myra’s just waiting on them to open those gates and let her out! I pray when they’ve all completed these goals that have been set before them, that Freedom won’t be too much to bear, and they find themselves trapped by the “Waste Management” teams again … I feel like society has taken all of its “Trash” and thrown it into the “Dump” and instead of Rehabilitating humans, they’re Recycling “Water Bottles”, filling them with whatever they see fit, and then sending them back out into society. Most of the time not quite equipped for what is going to be thrown at them, so they become just more “Human Waste” … And upon returning they’re greeted by all the ones they left behind who hoped they would make it, so now those ones lose hope for themselves also.

Just keep the bin in business I guess ….

Myra

 

 

6. Let Me be Your Pepe le Pew

Finally we get to some positive thoughts. Trap Girl has settled down, decided to stop fighting the system and instead to work within it. She finds that the guards, her case manager and most of the women are on her side. She has many epiphanies and begins her search for truth in pretty much all areas of life and self. In other words, the horse that has been led to water has finally decided to drink.

FYI: “Meat” is a chicken by-product which is nutritious and filled with preservatives (that’s all I’ll say) I prefer my daughter not to eat it three times a day; Count is when the women line up and are physically counted from a roster; (Apparently “Xena” was too shy to write at this time)

Greetings!

If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for ya son. I got 99 problems & I wish a bitch were JUST one! There’s “Myra”, so named b/c when she was a child she played w/ the animals til they were “played out” aka DEAD! Cuz she “loved them & squeezed them & called them George” just like Myra on Animaniacs. Then there’s “Xena” the Warrior Princess, a beautiful Native that would beat a grown man @ arm wrestling, and both want to be my spades “P” (that means partner). I love them both equally & both their spades playing goes hard, but like Highlander, there can only be one. So how about I have each one of them write a little piece on herself & take a vote from you the people on which one should reign victorious.

On a different note, today for lunch the menu says Turkey wiener. I was hoping for 2 turkey weiners but it’s only one, I shall starve til dinner, which is chicken chili beans. Let me explain this “chicken”. It’s all one type of “meat” that tastes somewhat like breakfast sausage. We get it in the morning & it’s called “sausage”. We get it in the evening & it’s called “chicken patty”, we get it ground up for lunch & it’s called “chicken chili”, but it tastes like plastic Jimmy Dean. Has anyone seen the movie Soylent Green? Soylent Green is “Chicken Patty”, just sayin!

Well, it’s count time, I’m gonna get into my quantum mechanics book & learn me some shit in prison. Until next time …. have a Wonderful Eddie Warrior’s day …..

Nina Miller

Life As Myra Sees It 🙂

OK, So here goes my first attempt at speaking to the masses. LOL! I’m not really sure how this will all turn out, but I figure, what can it hurt since I single-handedly destroyed my reputation and burned all my bridges while I stood on them years ago. So, this should be fun and informative! LOL!

So, I’m going to assume most of you have seen the dog food commercials complaining about (them) putting chicken by-products in the dog food. Well, as of late, I’ve convinced myself dinners not complete without it! Or any other meal of the day for that matter, I reckon, since that’s what I’ve been eating breakfast, lunch and dinner! They might not want to feed it to their dogs, but they have absolutely no problem at all shoving it down our throats for every meal. So, rather than starve myself completely, I’ll let them help me trick my stomach, while I go about tricking my mind! I really feel like an even sadder truth than all of that, though, is the kindergarten size portions that they’re feeding obviously full grown adults! But I suppose it’s, whatever!

On a completely different subject I would like to say how thankful I am for this amazing person that God has seen fit to bless me with on my journey through this Eddie Warrior Experience, that I brought on myself! My very own Pepe le Pew! Though most of the time I feel like I’m the one chasing the exquisite masterpiece around! I often wonder how two people with such differences can also be so alike? I am extremely grateful as well, that she looks past differences on a daily and allows me to be a part of her amazing positive world she’s creating for us inside this man made hell!

Anyways, it’s the end of a pretty long, tiring, yet wonderfully blessed day. Thanks to my awesome friend, my heart is smiling as I’m putting my last thoughts of the evening on your minds! Thank you so much Pepe for including me in your experiment!

Love, Your Myra

5. Are You A Good Witch or a Bad Witch?

Once incarcerated all belongings are confiscated, and I do mean all. Women are issued very little and it is of poor quality. My daughter’s state issued shoes wore out quickly and she was wearing them with holes the size of half dollars in the soles for many months – although this is certainly not uncommon. (I’m not sure if her new shoes have been issued yet, although we have paid for them.) Most inmates are indigent, which means they have nobody sending them money or have no way to earn any while locked up, if they do earn money they might get 16 cents or as much as 50 cents an hour; shoes cost at least $50; so, you can see the quandary. She also began a spiritual journey and began reading many different philosophies. I sent her several books and even some Tarot cards. In these episodes Trap Girl is still angry at the system and coming to terms with her plight.

FYI: Black Eyes is the case manager whom is now a trusted and loved ally; Petty Eddie’s is Eddie Warrior prison – a minimum security women’s prison, so named because of the strict standards women are held to; The reason jeans and sweatshirts were contraband were simply due to the fact they were not purchased by Trap Girl (they are quite expensive and she wasn’t able to afford them); “The Jesus Brigade” is a group of women who have difficulty understanding my daughter’s developing concept of God, they have come to terms with each other – I think …..

Trap Girl felt utter defeat @ the hands of Black Eyes due to being dropped to a level 1 & already getting 40 hours of extra duty which had to be completed in 72 hours (no easy feat but Trap Girl succeeded) the latest debacle had to do with a pair of shoes which were “allegedly” found under Trap Girl’s bunk area that were not Trap Girl’s but were not stolen either. An ally of Trap Girl’s possibly wanted to give her shoes that didn’t have holes in the bottom & actually had arch support because she (The Oracle) was leaving for lower security & could get new shoes. Trap Girl sure wished she could have those ownerless shoes, but not getting put in SHU (single housing unit aka Solitary Confinement) or kicked out of her program is better than her back hurting & not having blisters on her feet.

Like E-40 says, “Everybody’s got choices”. Thanks for tuning into another episode of Trap Girl, until next time, Be good or be good at it!

Nina

The Adventures of Trap Girl 8/17/16

Trap Girl continually gets fucked in the game @ Petty Eddie’s but I guess the lesson to be learned is “if you live on the right side of the law it shouldn’t matter if you’re under a microscope!” Two weeks after her level 1 took effect Trap Girl got shaken down by Johnny Law & had contraband in the form of jeans and a sweatshirt. She is hoping that she doesn’t get written up for that b/c she could lose her program & be here a lot longer, so think positive thoughts in her direction.

Trap Girl was reading Tarot cards for her friends in here until “The Jesus Brigade” called her the devil & hijacked her cards, the punk ass bitches! Since I’m the devil it was “The Jesus Brigade” that was in the wrong & they, steal my cards & destroy my cards … who does that sound like?  ummm  could it be Satan?!?! Oh the irony!!! Naturally all the picnic tables have been graffitied w/ “I came to steal, kill & destroy ❤ Nina” But I bet “The Jesus Brigade” doesn’t catch the irony, nor the reference.

Trap Girl’s homie, “The Oracle” left 2 weeks ago, I hope she’s staying on track & another one left today …” I ❤ U Dez!” Congratulations on setting a date for your wedding & lets see the pictures of dresses. Oh BTW, in case you guys didn’t know, Trap Girl’s mom is Wonder Woman. That’s a fact & Wonder Woman is the best mom ever straight the fuck up!

That’s about it right now, Wonder Woman might have something to say, otherwise I will catch you guys on the flip side ….

Nina

 

 

 

4. The Sultan of Slowplay

This is the last letter to Trap Girl’s friend; he was located through CorrLinks. The remainder of the adventures take on a different attitude – for several reasons. Trap Girl began her journey of recovery in a much more spiritual way, and I was also able to visit her in person; It was good for us both. Leaving the prison after that first face to face meeting was very emotional. I drove away from EWCC, parked in Taft and laughed and cried. It’s something I will treasure and hold in my heart forever.

FYI: EWCC is Eddie Warrior Correction Center in Taft, a minimum security prison, aka Petty Eddie’s (and the place that has saved my daughter’s life); DOC# is a Dept of Corrections number, given to all inmates; Retard Yard refers to the prison yard (I probably didn’t need to tell ya that)

John,

Hey Homie What’s Up! I’ve tried sending you a ton of letters since Trap Girl went to jail Feb. 29th, 2016 & to no avail. They’ve all come back. My mom even tried sending a letter to let you know Trap Girl is on a vacation in Taft, Oklahoma @ a resort called Petty Eddie’s. She will hopefully only be there until December 30th cuz she got into a 4 month program called Helping Women Recover that starts in September.

I really hope you got released on an ankle monitor or taken to a work center & that’s why I haven’t been able to get through to you. In one of my previous letters I said, “I’m gonna have to refer to you as the “Sultan of Slowplay” b/c dope hustlin mother fucker is allegedly incriminating”. I thought it was pretty funny, but if you aren’t able to read it then regardless, it’s not funny!

The resort that Trap Girl is @ is way different than what she expected a state resort to be, b/c although she has never been to church camp, this is exactly what she envisions when thinking about this place. It’s not exactly going hard in the shard in the retard yard, but its easy time where she has made quite a few friends & even some girls that want to be more than that, but is trying to abstain b/c girls are fucking stupid & it’s unnecessary drama waiting to happen.

She met a girl here that knows you though, her name is Lucinda & she’s from the Ville. She said that a few years ago she was on her knees for you while you were on the phone telling your GF you were almost home & when she told me that & smiled I thought to myself, “Yup, you (taking about her) look like that behavior is not uncommon to your lifestyle.” She asked for your info and DOC# so I gave it to her cuz I figured you can always use a female w/ loose morals to forward your career in the game.

In County there was a girl named Heather Jones (went by Ophelia) that was from the Ville who said she knew you as well, but I didn’t like her so instead of giving her your info I talked her into sellin me her soul for the low price of absolutely nothing & after that she steered clear of me & wouldn’t even look me in the eye. She was continually bitching about being in County b/c of city tickets & that she had to be there for 2 whole weeks & therefore “knew what I was going through”. So I told her she didn’t know the game & hustled her out of her soul.

So, I’ve got 5 on it through the DOC but this non violent string of words won’t even last 18 months. Cleveland County Villains decided to make Trap Girl unbondable b/c she had a hold, a $1500 cash & a $50K to make sure she was good & stuck so they could send her on a vacation. Smokey Beau gets back from vacation in Cushing 2017 of Jan. & is probably gonna be in the Ville off Quail in the Court. My mom said any way for him to come home she will be down to help & de donde vive was the obstacle.So, are you familiar with the nationwide movie coming out that has cameos from people right here in Oklahoma? I think it’s supposed to be scary.

Write my Ville address & I will always read your letters. I would like to hear about “The Adventures of The Sultan of Slowplay” & will reply w/ some “Adventures From Trap Girl”. Apparently I wasn’t good enough@ it but I’m @ finishing school to get better.

Te Quiero y Te Extrano

Nina