10.The Death of A Lawyer

The death of a lawyer is generally the punch line to a joke, but not today. Today it is a sad and unfortunate event of monumental proportions – because he was an institution for the downtrodden. He was a man who never gave up or gave in. He is the reason my daughter turned her life around and had a second, third and even fourth chance. He knew she would eventually “pull her head out of her ass”, his words exactly, and he stayed and fought well beyond what I was able to pay him. For 3 long years he reasoned with her and I hope he knew what a difference he made in her life – I am fully aware he made a difference in many others. Fred Shaeffer – a gentleman and a scholar, may he rest in peace.

This episode will be based on rehabilitation and release from prison. And …. The Villains of Cleveland County have denied Trap Girl’s appeal for an amended J&S – I still am rather upset – but not surprised. I stood in the court, listened to the judge tell her how important it was for her to receive rehabilitation and how much she was hoping my daughter would take advantage of the help that was being offered. My daughter told the judge she was grateful for the help and would accept it …. and here is the rest of the story ….

RTP – WTF?!?!

There has been a lot of talk on the yard about the Regimented Treatment Program (RTP) which is an 8 – 10 month military structured rehab program within the prison. It has its own dorm in an unauthorized area where the 90 attendants wear BDU’s and are not allowed to talk to the general population without a misconduct being written and vice versa.

People in attendance of this program have been sentenced to it by the court and have at least a 7 year sentence (in the Oklahoma prison system a 7 year sentence kicks you right out to lower security so if you are just at 7 years you will actually do more time with RTP as a stipulation than if you just sign for your time.) My sentence was part of a plea agreement where I signed for 5 years with RTP recommended & a judicial review (a 1 year review) 4-20-17. I have since tested into HWR (An intensive therapy group and individual therapy) that is 4 months long, which stands for Helping Women Recover. My county disagrees with this counting as my program and instead of letting me do it as an equivalent program I have had to formally refuse RTP and serve out my time in order to stay in HWR and get the help that I need. FYI, HWR is considered an equivalent program to RTP but on my J&S (Judgement and Sentencing papers) it specifically says “RTP recommended” not RTP or Equivalent Program and I now have forgone my judicial review. My projected release date is November 1, 2017 instead of April 20, 2017. I realize that most people don’t see a huge difference between April and November (5-6 months), but when you’re locked up on dead time it can feel like the difference between treading water and drowning. I’m actually fortunate that it’s only a 5-6 month difference. There are girls on this yard I know serving 15 year sentences who have either quit RTP or were kicked out. I don’t speak for anyone else so I have asked them if they would write a little something about RTP and what they thought about it. If they’re still happy with their choice of leaving the program or if they think it’s fair they got kicked out.

I know that even if I had not gotten into an equivalent program I would have preferred to serve out my time in the general population as opposed to a military bootcamp prison within a prison, although I understand the idea and think it more useful in a male prison considering there aren’t too many females in here that are here because they lacked structure in the world. It is almost exactly the opposite, most women here were abused and controlled by men, are survivors of trauma, abuse and chemical dependency and being screamed at and being told what to do in a “structured” environment doesn’t seem like the best way to succeed and overcome those previous circumstances. I can’t say honestly that I don’t deserve to be in prison, but I can say with certainty that 9 out of 10 women here need intensive therapy and rehab, not prison and by incarcerating us like men and giving us military bootcamp like men will not be as effective because, are you ready for me to blow your minds? WE AREN’T FUCKING MEN!!

Eddie Warrior does an amazing job at rehabilitation and I can call it a correction center with certainty as well as owe this place my life. But with some REAL funding for HWR or other trauma/therapy based programs, I bet the recidivism rate would go down tremendously among females. Most of my friends here that have previously been incarcerated here and are back have done RTP so don’t keep coming back it doesn’t always work if you work it.

Goodnight & Have a Wonderful Eddie Warrior Day!    Trap Girl 

Free @ Last

Your family member will be coming home from prison soon. In order that you may adequately prepare to deal with her return to society, we suggest that you read and digest the following:

  1. Her language may be totally prison oriented, please smile appropriately when she utters such terms as, “You got me fucked up”, “Let me find out”, “Ain’t that it”, “You’re wrong for that”, “Girl, you ain’t shit”, “Hey, Giiirrllaah”, “Here I am”, “It is what it is”, She may say “Listen” before she says a sentence.
  2. The first few times she rides in a car, remind her to close and lock the doors, as this has been done for her by guards for far too long.
  3. If she should ask “Which prison you from”, “What dorm you’re on”, “How long did you sign for”, “Are you doing violent time”, “What county you from” – just make something up.
  4. If she insists on putting shanks under her pillow and locks on her dresser and closet doors do not remove these items until she is convinced that she no longer lives around convicts, thieves and murderers.
  5. Never under any circumstances mention the word PO-LICE!
  6. Please allow her to open the refrigerator at least 2-6 times daily. She may just want to stand there and stare at the food for awhile. If she insists on lining up for meals, gently lead her back to the table and assure her she doesn’t need to present her ID for the food. Don’t be surprised if she gobbles her food down quickly and stashes food in her clothes. Never throw food away in front of her, she may get hysterical. If she inspects her food endlessly, don’t worry, she is only checking for mold, hair and roaches.
  7. If she sits on the bed quietly for more than 30 minutes, just announce “Counts clear” and she will resume activities.
  8. Don’t be surprised if she stashes toilet paper in her room. She’s used to getting 1 roll per week and “You can’t have any of it”
  9. After someone has come and visited her, gently tell her that it’s not necessary to strip, squat and cough.
  10. Don’t be surprised if she asks “Whose next in the microwave” or tries to save it for later by putting something in it or yells “Microwave” when it goes off.
  11. Don’t be surprised if she asks her boss about “Good time” or her “Level” rather than her paycheck. She may not remember what pay is.
  12. Warn her in advance if you are putting on gloves. She will start hiding stuff.
  13. Remind her she doesn’t have to call anyone collect anymore and she doesn’t need to put her DOC # in and say her full name after dialing a number.
  14. When taking her shopping she will have a list already made and she will give it to the cashier and expect it to be filled. She might hand the cashier her ID when purchasing her items at the store or ask what her balance is.
  15. If you need her to come inside just announce “Yard closed”.
  16. When she sees a dog she will probably stand at attention with her arms at her sides until she is sniffed and dismissed.
  17. If she stands by her bed at 9:30 pm with her ID in hand and says her name and DOC #, just walk away after she says it, this is standing ID count.
  18. Don’t get offended if she cleans everything with bleach, takes the shower curtain down and scrubs it.
  19. If she wants to get intimate with her lover or smoke a cigarette let her know that she does not need a jigger and can do so at any time.
  20. Don’t get offended if she wears flip-flops to take a shower, she has done this for a while now and is probably a bit of a germaphobe.

9. The Rest of the World Keeps Spinning

 Women in Prison have difficult struggles, being separated from family, isolated from the world at large and trying to live within a self-imposed trap to mention just a few. Getting letters from those of us who remain connected is generally their only concrete bridge to a reality which becomes a culture shock to them upon release. Writing can certainly make a huge difference, and while this honestly doesn’t take a lot of effort –  who seriously makes time for snail mail any more? I have written to several inmates through the mail as well as a service called Corrlinks (costing only 30 cents per letter) and have received such gratitude I have almost cried. Yes, I know they are in prison because they have done something wrong. Yes, I know they deserve to serve time. I also know they are kind and caring people who are worthy to be treated as such, who clearly need to be integrated back into society – and I believe it is our responsibility to be part of helping make their transition smooth so that their return to prison is never considered. 

Trap Girl:   The last time we left Trap Girl she was being “Me- Centric” & would like to take some attention off of herself & instead talk about the difference between quantity & quality in the story “Goldilocks & the Five Bibles”

It is true that a lot of us end up in prison due to a lack of spirituality but as we’ve already learned, not all who wander are lost … This is still a perfect time to meditate on improving ourselves and tapping into the collective conscious and my friend Goldilocks is trying to do just that, but mother fuckers be throwin her bibles like they’re life rafts … Well, considering the fact that they say the same thing, and so far it’s not sparked curiosity, why don’t we make this one leather-bound with silver writing? No? OK, maybe we will writhe on the floor and speak in tongues … Come on, we want your soul!

Well, now Goldilocks has 5 bibles and still not interested, therefore it’s quality of spirituality and not quantity of bibles. Hopefully Goldilocks will start her own journey and change her whole perspective on shit, or not. Either way she’s a brilliant and smart human that hit a road block. Help a female out with rehabilitation because she’s got bibles for days …

That’s the story of Goldilocks and the 5 Bibles. Until next time have a Wonderful Eddie Warrior Day! ❤ Trap Girl

Wahlea: Alright, here’s to Step #2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Hi, my name’s Yayo (Wahlea’s nickname) and I’m an addict. I realized I was powerless against my addiction and I started to pray for a way out. Someone or something saved me. I didn’t expect Mannford police dept. and OK Department of Corrections to be my “Savior”, my stopping point. I graduated from high school, had some medical school and I was a mom … I thought I was “smarter” than that or was more sly maybe. IDK. Looking back, just pure ignorant is more like it. Now I have God and OK DOC to guide me, as close to sanity as an institution can get me. I’ll have a new set of problems but you know what, I can’t wait. They’re issues I can’t wait to face like getting a legal job and jumping back into motherhood and becoming a sister again. I was so consumed I lost myself. Now I’m being guided back to a sober life. I’m not worried where my next highs gonna come from or my street credit or none of that. Now I’m worried about that 1st day of school and wiping snotty noses and going to the park. I can’t wait to show everyone I’m a quitter for real.

Myra: Alright, well another week is gone. Which in my world means I’m a week closer to going home! YAY! OK So I feel like this week I’m gonna express how much mail means to someone like me. It seems when you’re locked up the way that we are, time sorta stops, almost as if our world stops spinning … but the rest of the world just keeps right on going. And sometimes those are hard facts to swallow. I mean I really have no clue what’s going on in the world out there! I couldn’t tell you, not one current event. And the only thing I really know about my family is they’re still alive, LOL! So, any mail is Super Important and Extremely appreciated! That all being said, drop me a line or two – 😉

It just gets tiring not knowing whats really happening because I know so much has gone on in the last 6 months. And also I love music, I’m sure there’s so many new songs out that I’ll love! Sorry, this week’s been kinda slow for me, there wasn’t really even anything going on in the Beauty Shop, which is where I work by the way 🙂  Hope to hear from y’all soon!

Your Friend, Myra

Lil’ Boy Blue: Here’s to the start of another week and a lil’ deeper view into the life of lil” Boy Blue … I will try to not give you my whole story at once, just a little at a time about “yesterday’s news” and a little bit of today’s … Hopefully we can figure out together how I ended up here, institutionalized, segregated from the life I’ve known, held hostage, against my will … I am an institutional captive, no ransom on the table … lol!  At least the other hostages are people like Pepe, Goldilocks and Myra whom I’ve grown quite fond of I must say …. not in the gay way, they aren’t like me.

So, a little bit about me, I’m pretty basic, at first … the more you get to know me the more complex I become. I don’t know why, it’s just me. I grew up in Moore, OK, a good kid I would say, was the child of a softball coach, and an alcoholic father who hated my mom for being that coach. He had surgery after surgery on his left leg after a motorcycle crash and then lost the leg, thus giving him a life long excuse to drown his woes in a bottle. He couldn’t compete with all the other dads out there rootin their kids on (so he felt, cause he was now crippled), so even my 2 year younger than me brother didn’t get to participate in football or baseball like other boys. Mom was too busy tryin to make me that perfect pitcher. It was tough enough being a coaches kid – and never good enough to win the game, every game, every time … but to deal with Dad’s drunken rages and the insane fights about his drug use. I was stressed out to the MAX most days. I did maintain a 4.0 in school. Mom wanted to know why it wasn’t a 4.5. LMAO! 

Anyway, Dad went to prison when I was 10 or 11 for DUI’s and was gone about a year and a half, I saw him once when my aunt took us to visit. Then came the divorce. Thank God! Anyway, to skip ahead aways, I went through the normal teenage stuff, began drinking at 15, sneaking out, didn’t have much supervision at home cause mom was wrapped up in the new man and new baby on the way … yes, I have another little brother, 16 years younger that me. I moved out of my mom’s in September of 1993 and into a man’s house I had met that summer who was dealing drugs to the downstairs neighbor. I was 17, he was 25.

My mom fought hard to keep me home, begged and pleaded with me to finish school, my defiance was more than anyone could handle. The man had introduced me to speed, crank as it was called then, and that’s where my 20 + years of meth addiction began. He was a big time “money maker”, dealer. It fascinated me, all our “friends” all the parties and being able to buy whatever I wanted at any time, I wasn’t used to that at all. I grew up poor and struggled to eat sometimes … Oh how I thought life was great, til the hitting and throwing me around began, knockin me upside the head for stupid things, cheating on me and telling me about it … When I tried to leave, he got more violent and threatened to kill my family if I left. I was convinced. I didn’t want my mom to ever be able to say she was right, I was wrong – and I put space between us. I stayed away as much as I could, so she didn’t see the black eyes or bruised cheeks and arms, then it got so often and violent that I had little choice but to call on her for help. Judges kicked me out of their court rooms after too many time of dropping the Victims Protective Orders I’d filed while full of courage, before he’d scared me or talked me out of it. I knew how to fix everything, I’d go to church, make him go too. We did, we got saved, we got married. I wasn’t going to have a failed relationship like my folks. We managed 5 total years like this, up & down, love & hate … til we couldn’t do it anymore. I realized I hated men … there’s so much more than I’m willing to put out here, that led to my decision to pursue female relationships, but lets just say, I feel safe in a relationship with a woman versus a man at this point.

Switch up point … that brings me to now … Enough about the past for this week! LOL! The “NOW” … Speaking of Gay-ness, these new girls comin to prison, suddenly turning gay, crack me up! It’s crazy. There’s a girl I met in county just got here last week from A&R, she tried attaching herself to me, she’s 30, so ten years younger me (acts 20 though) and I am what they call a “stud broad” I got the short, shaved head hair cut, tattoos on my face, I guess I look like a boy … LOL … she would walk with me the first 2 days here and say, “if anyone messes with me, I’ll tell ’em I’m your wife…” LOL! hahahaha! Nope! I had to put the brakes on it … had to let her know gently, that I had enough followers on the yard, not to be startin rumors of her & I, and I started running the opposite way when I saw her … LOL, is that mean? Myra knows who I’m talking about, LOL. If it were up to Myra, I’d have no girlfriend at all and just play hacky sack every minute of the day! She even wakes me up for hacky sack! I created a monster! OK, enough for the week! Stay tuned! More to come from EWCC!   Lil’Boy Blue