This is a “throwback” because in trying to catch-up with the women’s writing I found an envelope dated 10/9/2016 and really thought you should read this, I apologize for going out of order. In the big picture I suppose it won’t matter to anyone but me – but, it does cause a glitch if you are trying to follow anyone’s story. Mea culpa.
Lithium is More than a good Nirvana Album
Trap Girl has been trying to curb her anger in this place but the struggle is real! Initially going to “South End Medical” (mental health) for a mood stabilizer known as Lamictal, but to Trap Girl’s surprise after making her emotionally detached it ACTUALLY made her anger worse to the point that she almost punched someone asking her for a book, and in the past (previous to this incarceration) a lovely lady threw Trap Girl her keys and Trap Girl returned the favor by hurling an entire desk at the key tosser. After that realization she asked to be switched to a different medication and the lucky winner was … lithium. Not sure if she’s more stable or just doesn’t care, but honestly does it matter at this moment?
Not a proponent of crutches such as these but also not a proponent of catching more charges cuz bitches be trippin. With the serious lack of nun chuk and fighting skills Trap Girl already knows how a “fight” would go down, and has already experienced the females not being woman enough to catch one in the showers; lithium is the best option. Although a mood neutralizer rather than stabilizer is OK for this caged and froggy girl because I’ve gotta feel less froggy so I don’t jump.
Until next time have a Wonderful Eddie Warrior Day! ❤ Trap Girl
Good morning out there! I just want to say I loved chics until I showed up here. Trapped girl still? These chics have given what I’ve enjoyed so long a black eye. I’m a late bloomer but I have arrived. People here want attention even if it hurts and I’m not one to abuse people so that keeps me single, while I’m being single I’m seeing my distorted thinking that has kept me trapped out there and here. I have 7 children and I live in a little town where it’s hard to redeem yourself when you’ve messed up. Being starved out put me in a position to have to get things however I could for my household. I need help once I’m out of here, people don’t understand how it feels to be blackballed. I went to jail 3 times for failure to pay court costs because when I got money I bought things for the house. My kids need me home and I’m willing to work. I just need a fair chance, how does the world know that I love Jesus, that I grieve the years I’ve lost, that I am very positive and high energy, that I’m great with people and I am now a believer of boundaries and solutions? If given the chance I will take my life back and Babe Ruth it!
One of the Trapped Girls, Tenneah
OK, so I think this week I’ll write a little bit about losing yourself in the Shuffle, the Lesbian Shuffle that is. LOL! See the thing is, I personally did not come to this place to get a “girlfriend” and I’m not going to be “Gay for the Stay”. Now please believe me when I say I’m not judging anyone who has made this decision, but Jesus said that I’d better not! Anyhow, the thing is, I feel like it’s hard enough in here to make it and keep yourself sane and out of trouble without adding a “girlfriend” to the mix! I mean, most have someone waiting on the outside so I would think that would be an emotional roller coaster all by itself! But to each their own I guess. I just find it hard to believe some days that I’m really seeing what I’m seeing! I know opposites attract, but WOW! And boy are some CRAZY about each other! I mean with looking like Rapunzel and the other looking like the evil witch that stole her with personalities to match, I just don’t understand – and I know I said I wanted mail, but Dyke Kites aren’t what I meant! I know I’m definitely not the prettiest girl on the yard, but why are Norbit and Powder’s obese sister the ones I’m having to run from the most? I’ve tried to be nice about it, but “No” means “No” and I’m not gonna change my mind! Anyway the thing you don’t want to get caught doing is being nice in any way to someone’s girl cuz that could possibly cause them major trouble! One day I was playing hackey and the ball went over by my friend and her girl, as I picked the ball up I jokingly said “I thought you had that, where were you at?” and my friend’s “Psycho Dyke” girl as she calls her started saying “Yeah, where were you? Why don’t you just go be with her? You know you wanna be with her!” I felt so bad I didn’t know what else to do except “move around” LOL! So now I don’t speak to her in public anymore! This place is crazy! But I guess I’ll make it out alive if I stay away from the “Girlfriends”!
No shoes, No shirt, No service!
One thing’s for sure here at Eddie Warrior, we get 3 meals a day; morning, noon, and night. We must always be dressed appropriately which includes but is not limited to our state issue pants and scrub tops tucked in with shoes and socks, and having our lovely ID’s donned on the left side pocket of our tops. A congregation of inmates gathers at the top of the hill where we wait for our dorm to be paged over the intercom system. When that moment happen it’s like herding cattle as we shuffle towards the mess hall entrance. As we step through the door and make our way to the register, where we scan our badges to “pay” for our food we are greeted by the Cafeteria Nazi – No Soup for You! She uses her keen eye sight to check and make sure we are dressed properly. From our pants not being rolled up to socks on our feet; she will make us leave without food to correct what is wrong or out of place before we eat. We can’t bring extras like salt or sugar, we’re supposed to eat the same chicken sausage without any help from spices and we can’t share any unwanted food with someone else. Leftovers go out to the slop for the warden’s pigs – so gross! The chicken sausage is our main meat here, for inmate consumption only, whatever that means exactly I’m not sure yet, might be something to worry about. Every now and again we might get a decent meal, but for the most part it’s the same portion – just enough to say we are not starving and usually not seasoned. The Cafeteria Nazi has excellent hearing too. Using a curse word within earshot will cost you sentences. Yes, I said sentences; like when we were back in school. Meal time is complete at the end of the day by 4:30. Talk about your Early Bird Special!
Hello World! I apologize for allowing so much lapsed time since my last writing. It has been a busy, busy couple of weeks at EWCC. It seems (for me anyway) So … where was I in my story? As I recall, I was telling you all how I got where I am at in life, this moment …
I believe I was at the point of being beat down, pushed down put down and dragged around by the Drug dealing, innocence stealing mad man that I married. Did I mention that it was my Senior year, the year I met him and was introduced to “Crank” … I walked away from a full ride scholarship from playing Softball – (I’m still really angry about that, my life would’ve taken a whole different course.) Anyway, I am going to condense this story a little bit, because I have found after my last blog that it is painful to relive some of it … I’m sure there’s supposed to be healing in it somewhere, but … not just yet.
To sum it up, I stayed, fighting to keep from a failed marriage until 1999. We split several times, he hunted me down, I went back. He literally sold me to 3 black men for his crack debt; I was 19, in our own apartment. He opened the door, looked at me said “You’ll be okay”, let a woman in I barely knew but knew he bought drugs from … and he left. The events that followed would haunt me the rest of my life … and be the driving force behind my lack of trust for men and as for those who were supposed to be the “front line” of defense against the dangerous world … (my Father and my Husband) … The only things I had felt they taught me were that promises don’t count, they are meant to be broken, empty words; Love? LOL! Love is a word of manipulation used along with “Sorry” to get me to change my mind about how I feel … “I’m sorry” always seemed to be followed by an “I love you”.
So … that’s the short of it. There are so many details in the middle of all that … LOL. And you are probably wondering how I attribute where I am at now in my life to all that … ?
There’s really no excuse. LOL! I can’t blame my past on where I’m at, in prison … Ha ha ha! LOL! That would be just me not taking responsibility for my actions … But it does set the stage for why I chose to be with females as companions and later on into my story (I have to leave you in suspense LOL!) you will see how it all ties in …
Evil men, bad choices and rotten women and more bad choices, are how I made it to the Great Eddie Warrior Correctional Center … So, besides Goldilocks, Myra and Pepe (who I don’t seem to get much time with anymore) these females just push my buttons on the dorm I live on. I pray every day for sanity. Honestly I feel like I am in a psych ward or somethin’. It’s a screwed up social experiment where they entertain themselves up in central. LOL. They place you here, there, throw this one in the mix, feed you this, feed you that, see how you interact … Argh! It’s a schizo’s nightmare. It feeds the paranoia for sure.
Speaking of … yea … they put me on some new meds. Trazadone, 150 mg on my very first dose! Uh…? No way, Jose that will NOT happen more than the one time it did! I will never understand why they give night meds at 3 in the afternoon, they will give you a misconduct for trying to “cheek” the pill for later so you swallow it and you are still expected to be awake for standing ID? I’ve seen so many girls just literally fall out on the floor after being woken up, of course it’s the Remron, Giadon and Trazadone … LOL! I felt so bad after the one dose on Friday night … no more, ever. I entertained the whole dorm. That back in my juvenile days may have been cool … it was humiliating this time in life. I haven’t been back to pill line.
I have added to my long list of daily prayers and am asking of My Lord Jesus Christ for strength in resisting the desires of my flesh. I pray every day for Him to block women from tempting me and to protect me from the evil Lesbian circles in prison. These women are brutal to each other. I’m a gay female in the world as of the last 6 to 7 years and love in the world ain’t nothing like the twisted way of these women.
Bye for now! Til next week! Love & Respect from Little Boy Blue!