Trap Girl and her posse have come through a lot. She has begun teaching a class on Domestic Violence. No, not how to perpetrate it; how to get through the mental abuse aspects of it. Classes of this type generally have an attendance of roughly 15 to 20. I am happy to report her first class had 28, the second 29 and the third had 34. She is a born leader and now is taking after her mom (me) and is also a fabulous teacher as well. Yep, all fact, no brag. In other news … I continue to hope her appeal for a court appointed lawyer goes through. We did finally get a letter from the firm stating that since her lawyer was deceased her representation had ended. Well, that seemed obvious.
Anonymously Devoted To You … 12-10-16
Here at Eddie Warrior we have an epidemic of spineless proportions. People are filling out staff requests telling other people’s business and aren’t signing them but sticking them under our case manager’s door damn near everyday! From my knowledge they’re allegations ranging from relationships between inmates to who was or wasn’t doing their job on the weekend when the case manager wasn’t here. Initially I think the case manager tried to address these false allegations but quickly realized that no one could face their accuser so really it was a punk ass bitch that just wanted to get other people in trouble. Yesterday our case manager made a dorm announcement saying “If you’re woman enough to fill out a staff request and slide it under my door you need to be woman enough to sign your name otherwise I’m throwing it away” and proceeded to rip up the most recent piece of rat shit that she received! Sadly there are so many Master Splinters in female prison that I can’t narrow down the culprit but what could I do if I did? I can’t necessarily “catch a fair one” or snatch her in the shower without losing my level, my days, my program all to try to “beat honor” into some spineless fucking rat! I wish females would realize we get SO much further being assertive and sticking together than by being back biting vindictive cunts, but we continually prove society right by confirming that we are the weaker, stupider more trivial sex. No foresight havin’ mother fuckers!
Goodnight and have a Wonderful Eddie Warrior Day
Happy Happy, Joy Joy … 1-7-17
I have been feeling stagnant lately and can’t get out of this spiritual depression. I’ve been trying to do my tarot cards and working on me but, it seems that without the therapy I’m not having any progress.
I realize a shift in perspective can make me feel stagnant when really I’m not but I don’t feel like that’s what’s going on. My case manager has said that there’s only so long a person can be locked up and learn from it before becoming institutionalized takes effect. I’m not claiming institutionalization by any means, but I do have an aggressive personality, I already lack empathy and I’m gaining no more coping skills for the time being. I do start teaching domestic violence tonight and I’m excited to see where that leads because I know that it will help me in terms of empathy and aggression and Monday Mrs. Moore will be back from vacation and we will get the new HWR cohort going and I will get to actually assume my leadership position and just by writing this I have cheered myself up and I feel more positive.
Goodnight and have a wonderful Eddie Warrior Day!
❤ Trap Girl
A funny thing I’ve noticed about inmates/addicts, we tend to go from one extreme to another. We got to always be doin’ the most and always getting’ it, don’ it – whatever it is – we have to have it! So when we come to prison it’s no different. We can’t get our drug of choice so easily in here so some of us switch “our demons” – that’s what I call it anyway. And that new obsession that is seen all over the yard is exercise. Yes, you read correctly. These women go all out with daily routines that most of us would never thought of doing out on the streets getting’ high. I believe it’s the same with our buddies from Jess Dunn and all the other male holding facilities, but the guys tend to wanna build muscle while we women wanna keep the weight off we gain when we are forced to quit drugs/alcohol. There are activities offered in our gym that I personally take advantage of, step aerobics, Zumba, yoga and low impact. The last one is for the core of our bodies which consists of watching Taebo videos and a few different others. I like doing the structured workouts about 4 times a week. Some of the other women work out all day – running around what we call the oval. It’s basically a track we go around in the middle of the compound. We use it to get everywhere there is to go here because we’re not supposed to walk on the grass. They tell us that 4 times around equals 1 mile. I know some women that walk it all day long and that’s in the literal sense. When I walk around the oval I feel like a hamster on its wheel. It’s going but it’s going nowhere fast. But, as I’m going nowhere fast, there are groups doing their own workout routine of planks, crunches, sit-ups, squats, and others I couldn’t even tell you what it was. And this goes on all day, too because we really have nothing better to do. There are other activities on the yard that help the ladies of Eddie Warrior stay in shape – there’s volleyball, I think as long as the yard stays open to general population – it’s played all year long, even in the cold. And the famous hacky-sack – hundreds of different women have hacky balls and play whenever they have a chance and they can get down through there with their mad hacky skills. It makes me wonder if the guys play the sport like the females do. Or do they have something different they play all the time? From one extreme to the next the addict in some of us has to have it … All of it. Whatever it is for the moment. In this case it’s Exercise.
Alright, my name’s Yayo and I’m gonna start my 12 steps over. The first is about admitting. It says: We admitted we were powerless over drugs, that our lives had become unmanageable. When I first started using I thought I was in total control. Strangely enough. I would say I can stop if I wanted to and then I never stopped, I don’t know if it’s because I couldn’t or didn’t want to. I mean, why would I? My life was just fine. Then I started losing things. Like for starters my marriage. My apartment. When all that was happening, I said I was giving it up but that was a bold face lie. I was spiraling out of control. I thought I was living it up. I also had a severe post partum depression after I found out my husband had cheated. I cannot however blame my actions on him. I have to admit that I went and chose to destroy my life. I admit I handled things all wrong, but I felt I deserved to have fun, live a little. I didn’t party that crazy in my teenage years. I got with my husband at 16, started buckling down. I did party but not hard. I felt robbed of my teenage years. Problem was I had children and I still decided to live that life. At the time I didn’t think it was unmanageable. Looking back I would have changed a lot of things. I went balls to the walls. I can now admit that I was dumb. I can now admit I ruined more lives than just mine by the drugs I sold. I was powerless.
My name’s Yayo and I’m a recovering addict. For anyone just tuning into our blog we are women from Oklahoma who are currently incarcerated. I have been sharing my journey with you guys. We love it when you like and share our journeys. Each struggle is different. I have already worked my 12 steps once and I’m starting them over. Also, anyone who donated we help indigent writers, but we aren’t begging. Alright now, I’m on step 2, It’s about believing: Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore us to sanity. This was difficult for me. Everyone was saying let go let God. I didn’t want to let go, I want to control things. I want them my way. I felt like, where was God when I needed him. When I was at what I thought was rock bottom, I didn’t have a savior. I was expecting a divine power to swoop in like a Superman and make an immediate improvement. I wanted desperately to be saved. What I didn’t know was He did save me. Prison has saved my life. I was destroying myself. I hated myself. Nobody can destroy me like I can. I was broken beyond repair, or so I thought. I am repaired; I’m ready to be home and get my children and just live right. I’ve had to learn to let my higher power guide me on the path to recovery because my choices and my control got me here. When I pray I give it to God. I have learned that He did make an immediate change. Not the one I wanted of course, but I don’t think the lesson would have stuck any other way. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I was insane obviously. Only I can choose to stop that insanity. I believe that this was what saved my life.
*God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the knowledge to know the difference*
Hello, everyone 🙂 my name is Bubbles. I’m writing y’all today because, yet again my heavenly father has blessed me with the opportunity to share my experience while I’m at prison. I would like to first and foremost thank Jesus Christ for saving my life. I would also like to express heavily to all the younger generation that it’s NOT cool to go to jail and/or prison!! I personally thought that being incarcerated was a “cool” thing to do. As I experienced being incarcerated I quickly found out that it wasn’t alright to go to jail. I’ve been given several chances throughout my life to NOT end up where I’m at now. I WAS miserable up until a week ago. Having no one to visit me, having no one to call, and having no one to put money on my account. Basically I was feeling lost, abandoned and most of all ALONE. I’m no longer feeling those emotions and feelings any longer. You’re probably wondering, “Why?” Well, let me tell you, “Why”. I found Jesus! And actually I just recently learned that Jesus has been with me this whole time, I just pushed Him away. Now what I’m doing is TRUSTING in GOD. 🙂 And by doing so, I’m never disappointed. Now, don’t get it twisted. I still have days that I feel worthless, and not worthy of anything. I just keep reminding myself that God has my back and He always is there for me, as long as I keep my mind and heart open for Him to be able to help me. I’m hoping this helps someone. I’ll be writing more in the future. 🙂 Thank you for taking the time out of your life to read this.
God Bless Everyone.