19. The Battle of Ego

Time flies …  and it creeps. Trap Girl has acquired a lawyer for her year review on April 20th, he is supplied by the courts for indigents – those who have no money. I am hopeful he will reply to her, although I have been told not to be. Man, good thing she’s been going to the law library and knows a thing or two by now. Sad that her lawyer died, mainly because he was a wonderful person, but also because he was probably one of the best lawyers around and the judge knew him well. Anyway … she has about 7 weeks left – and as the program director she clerks for said, this is referred to as the “Short and Shitty” time. Time when things get under your skin, when little things bother you and it’s probably best to stay on your bunk and out of trouble if possible. For those of you who know Trap Girl, staying out of trouble isn’t in her vernacular – so, I have sent her Wheelock’s Latin along with the Workbook so that she can learn this language. Several of Jung’s books on archetypes and dreams, also more on Buddhism, Tarot, spirituality and myriad other subjects she has asked for. Time can be her friend or foe. Stay on your bunk, Trap Girl, when you aren’t at work.
As for me – my request to go into the prison as a minister has been denied … aaarrrgh… and after I was told that having a family member on the inside was no longer an issue for volunteers, only for staff. Go figure. Oh well, I am persistent and have appealed the decision. Besides, Trap Girl is almost out… and who knows what happens next.                                                          
❤ Teresa


The battle of ego is the eighth card of the Major Arcana in the Tarot deck. The issue is letting your higher self tame the ego and that action is difficult to habituate. When there are girls around I always wanna impress them and flirt and I have difficulty with self control when it comes to “flossing” in front of them. Every time I play into the flirting for the sake of flirting and showing that I’m a “bad” mother fucker and I even act solely on how I think the girl will react, I know I’m showing out. She’s real cute and she’s 30 but she’s going to RTP soon and will get moved to dorm 7 anyway and eventually to RTP so I should probably not fuck with her, yet I keep going to her side of the dorm just to show out and impress her.

I need to do something to get over Krystle but just jumping onto some girl probably isn’t the answer. I’ve been reading a lot about ego death in Buddhism, spirituality and the Tarot, but I keep getting drawn to dumb shit and the phrase “the inevitability of human drama” passes through my mind because I am reading about spirituality and detaching and then see something shiny (i.e. female or situation to assert dominance) and it’s all over with, all the spiritual guidance in the world put aside just to see how some female will react to my shenanigans; it may be harmless and I’m just being too hard on myself. Mrs. Moore said today that I need to find some joy, so I’m trying to stop taking things so seriously and have some fun. In the Tarot book I’m reading it talks about the death of the ego in figurative terms as opposed to psychological terms, saying it’s a higher awareness being tapped into, but as long as we are on Earth we are our ego.

Trap Girl


January 16, 2017

Happy New Year to all Still

Here we are on another big adventure … this girl’s life is an adventure, guarded by fence or not.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been a part of the blog. Many distractions – thoughts running nine kinds of wild. Start – stop on all my writings.

I graduated HWR! Mission accomplished, now on to the real life usage. Enrolled full time in college and I’m tutoring ABE full time. It’s a rewarding feeling to help these ladies further their education.

26 months trapped and the end is finally near. Court in February and I’m claiming victory. I was only stuck, never trapped, not physically anyway.

I give praise to “The Big Guy” He’s had control all along, all I had to do was surrender.

“We are hard pressed on every side yet not crushed. We are perplexed, but not in despair.”

                   2 Corinthians 4:8

To me that says we are precious jewels – rough around the edges but with a little work, we will shine.

Here I go!

Shine Bright Like a Diamond

Through this entire adventure

8 has been my given number.

God says “New Beginnings.” He’s

been waiting all along. I ask that

He not keep me one minute longer

Or free me one second sooner than

I’m supposed to be. I want His

will to be done

And to me that looks like,

Me zipping up that Red hood, putting

that wolf on a leash and walking

this adventure out.

Deep down inside, these people

can’t keep me because

Butterflies are free.

By the way, Did you know

Jesus Loves Outlaws?


Hi Blog … My name is Erica, I’m 30 years old with long black hair and dark brown eyes. I weigh 130 lbs and am 5’1”. I’m a mother of 4 kids, my oldest is 7 years old and my youngest is 3. I was born and raised on the Southside of Oklahoma City, in a family of 4 brothers. I’ve been out on my own since the age of 14, trying to survive this world. At that age I was learning how to sell drugs to support myself. My mother and father were in and out of prison so I couldn’t depend on them anymore to be able to support me. I ended up catching on to the hustling thing and was living the fast life. I had my own house and car at the age of 15, at this point life was good until I caught my first case for possession of CDS with intent. I ended up going to prison for the first time; I did 2 years on a 5 year sentence in 2006 and got out in 2008. I was 22 years old when I got out with goals to accomplish at that time. I got pregnant for my first time and had my oldest son in 2009. I fell in love with my son; it was a blessing looking into his eyes as I held him. The father of my son ended up going to prison on a drug charge, so I was left raising my son on my own. Life was good to me, and then I met the father of my 3 younger kids. He was the love of my life, or so I thought. We had 3 beautiful children and were living the good life. I was going back to school and working, while he watched our kids, till one day I caught him cheating and threw him out. I felt like my life was over, I was left raising 4 kids on my own with no help. But I did what I had to do to maintain and make sure my babies had a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs and food to eat. So there I was again, back in the hustle life, making that fast money to support my babies and myself. I even got a job at a Gentlemen’s club and worked there for a few months till I saved enough money, but I quit that and stuck with hustling. But, like they say, hustle money doesn’t last forever, and I caught myself sitting in county jail on my way back to prison. With none of that hustle money and no family support, just me, myself and a cot. My kids went to stay with an Aunt till I get home, it’s been over 5 months since I’ve heard from them, and it’s kinda hard hearing from them with no money on your books. But I stay focused with my head up high because I know God’s got my back while I walk through these footsteps to getting home. I’m a very laid back woman who loves music, traveling and very much an outdoor person. I love to cook and enjoy family time with my kids. I’m living life day by day and pray for a better outcome. Well world, I guess that’s it for now, until next time, stay safe and God Bless!

Yours Truly Erica M


Good Morning Everyone 🙂 This is “Bubbles” again. Just wanted to express how BLESSED I am today and Always! Well, it’s Monday. Duh! Right! Reason why today is significant to me is because today I’m going to find out if I’m accepted into the “special” group that I’ve been sentenced to do. I’m VERY nervous and anxious, not to mention scared. I’m going to give it ALL to Jesus Christ right now as I write this letter to y’all!! Okie dokie, I’m gonna change the subject. Yesterday was a good day for me 🙂 I had Low-level irritations, and my “Highlight” of my day was playin’ a few varieties of games (i.e. spades, apples to apples, monopoly) with my much cherished and most appreciated friend, Jessica. I’m soo glad and blessed Jesus Christ has sent and put her in my life!! I wouldn’t trade her in for a million bucks!! (Real Talk). So, if y’all have someone like this in your life, do whatever you can (legally) LOL to Keep that “special” someone in your life!! Because a Good Friend, an honest friend, a TRUE friend, is hard to find!! Thank You and have a Wonderful day Everyone 🙂

Good Afternoon Everyone 🙂 How’s everyone on this most beautiful Martin Luther King day? My day is always blessed! I woke up this morning feeling down in the dumps. I don’t know why? I’m thinking being where I’m at is getting to me. There are just so many different attitudes here. I can handle most of them, but there’s a definitely a few I wish would just stay away from me!! They’re always negative and not to mention hateful and mean! I don’t need that kind of person around me at this point of time. Anyway, changing the subject 🙂 It is Really Beautiful outside today. I walked around for a little bit to get outta the dorm for a bit. I’ve been coloring. Yes, coloring. I’m a 41 year old adult that loves to color 🙂 It relaxes my mind, body and soul. Writing to y’all also helps me tremendously with my self esteem, attitude and most of all keeps me from holding most of my negative feelings inside!! For which, I’m VERY good at hiding and “STUFFING” my feelings! No more of that! My good friend gave me a way to safely express my feelings without feeling weird or stupid for how I feel 🙂 Okay. Y’all, I’m gonna keep this one a little short today. I may write more later? Have a good day and Trust in GOD and y’all won’t be disappointed 🙂

Good Evening Everyone 🙂 It’s me again, Ms. Bubbles. Well, I’ve had a lot of stuff going on since last time I wrote. First of all, I’d like to thank my heavenly Father for blessing me every day and every night. So, y’all remember me sayin’ something bout a certain group I was waitin and anticipating on being chosen for? Well, I didn’t get into the group 😦 My immediate emotion was DISAPPOINTMENT! I was intensely looking forward to getting into this group, that I put aside “TRUSTING IN JESUS”! If I had trusted in Jesus Christ, I wouldn’t have been disappointed! Furthermore, I’m going to have to wait for the next group, which won’t be for a little while. Oh well, it gives me time to prepare my mind for what’s to come in the future. And honestly, after I’ve had time to ponder on the situation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not quite ready to be in this particular group at this point in time. It’s hard for me to admit it, but it’s true. My mental status is not where it needs to be nor is it where I want it to be right now! I feel like I’m on the verge of a major breakdown. Everything is all coming at me like a freight train! When I was out in the streets, and I started feeling like I am now I didn’t deal or work through these heavy duty feelings, I just smoked some marijuana and all them feelings went away. Now I’m in here, I have no choice but to deal with them and that situation is EXTREMELY overwhelming at times! There are some days when all I want to do is cry and be sad and depressed. Then there’s other days when all I would want to do is beat the s*#t outta people! Then there are some days where I’m happy and content. I don’t know? Many ladies here seem to be fond of me, but with my Anti-Trust issues I have with people, I’m not sure if they’re being genuine or fake? There is a small group of ladies that I KNOW are genuine bout their friendship towards me and I TRULY appreciate them for that. There are a lot of issues I’m WANTING to fix in my life, before I leave here. Hopefully by GOD’S WILL I’ll be able to accomplish those particular goals/issues? Until next time, thank you for reading.


Rise Above

                          by Anonymous – New Years Poem

The world is full of people,

Content to be what they are

Who never know the joy of success;

They lack the will to go that far.


Yet in this world there is a need,

For some to lead the rest

To rise above the average life,

By giving of their best.


Are you the one who dares,

To try when challenged by the task

To rise to heights you’ve never dreamed,

Or is that too much to ask?


This can be your year,

For great purpose to achieve

If you accept the challenge,

And in yourself believe.


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