Episode 26 A Clockwork Gray


Well, I had a violent thought and my nipples got hard.  That’s not good.  I’m continually trying to correct my behavior but when involuntary things happen when I have a violent thought it reminds me of A Clockwork Orange where they recondition the main character to not be excited by violence.  I don’t necessarily want to be reconditioned to where I am a different person.  Whatever my trigger is that involuntarily makes my body react all happens inside my head.  So, if violence excites me and I just don’t act on it then will I feel like less of a person for not reacting or will the involuntary bodily reaction stop happening after a while?  I’m learning in my Thinking For a Change class that I wasn’t doing much thinking between being frustrated or annoyed by someone and then reacting violently and the end feeling on my part was adrenaline and excitement.  So, is it unhealthy to be excited by violence?  If not, can I change that about myself? If I change that about myself, will I still be me?

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