Episode 30 Paranoia

I realize that being in a relationship with someone like me has to be difficult, I was so deeply immersed in illegal activity and dishonest people that it changes your view of what you think society is capable of.  This is the scenario, my boyfriend stayed the night a few days ago and got up to eat something at like 11p and when he didn’t come immediately back to bed my heart dropped in my stomach and I had this overwhelming feeling come over me that all my money was gone, my electronics were gone and he bolted!  I got up angry and suspicious and went outside where he was smoking a cigarette and talking to a friend, I didn’t really voice my concern to him except to say “Don’t lie to me or deceive me” and his reply to this is “I may have ate some cheese and drank a hawaiian punch” because he really had no clue as to why I was acting crazy.  When we woke up the next day I explained to him that I thought maybe he was trying to rob me and I realized my paranoia goes hard, he was laughing about it and he was understanding but it’s no way to be.  Reintegration back into society is very difficult, especially trying to not be jaded by the life I had and the people that I was around.  Trying to give people a chance when they have given you no reason to distrust them is still difficult and the odds aren’t in his favor but I thank him for being understanding anyway.

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