Episode 41 Damage Control

I have finished my training at Dillard’s and starting to get a routine in Tulsa, I need to work out more though.  Living in Tulsa is lonely sometimes,  I don’t really know anyone here that is not in the game and the family that I do have here don’t trust me because of how I acted around said people in the game.  It is nice that I’m given a second chance but any instability on my end effects how my family sees me and the amount they are willing to put into wanting to fix the relationship that we have that I had fucked up when I was on drugs and in the game.  The best way for me to deal with that is to be transparent, I feel that anything that I am doing I should be willing to tell my family about because it is the only way to get them to completely trust me.  I can’t keep secrets from them or be deceptive because that is the behavior they expect from me and the results of that behavior were always self destructive.  It may be a little too transparent because I want to show communication and willingness to accept help in my recovery but it is where  I am at in my life and what I need to do in order to gain the trust and respect of my family back.  I hope that in the future the established trust will lead the way for them to trust my discrimination and decisions but until then my life will have to be 100% out in the open for them to see that I am a changed person.

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