Episode 51 I Remember Crying


Sitting on this side of the fence is just about all I expected it to be.  It’s actually a little more laid back then I imagined.  As I sit here tonight I’m flooded with memories and I’m letting them take ahold and I’m just along for the ride…I close my eyes and I remember crying.  I used to do it a lot!!  I remember crying as I walked through the halls of county at DLM to visit you.  The smell hit me through the vents (a smell I know all too well from my trips, I’ve lost count) and it was like being punched in the gut.  I didn’t want that for you and it was my fault you were there on 2 counts of shooting with intent.  I began to run so I could get to you quicker.  When I finally saw you, you had a deep red streak running up your arm to your chest from a spider bite.  To your face I remained calm but I remember crying back down the halls as I left (afraid I was going to lose you to the bunk ass medical flop going on).  I phoned the jail from the parking lot and complained.  I figured my assertive voice was much more credible than my 5’3” frame attached to a pretty face. I dropped money on your JPay and money on your GTL account and I headed to the airport where they sell postcards because DLM was no longer accepting regular sealed envelopes as correspondence and there was no way you were going without.  I stopped by the “L” store and met mom back at the house to get our boy who was only 9 months old at the time.  We had strict “no sleeping in our bed” policy to avoid accidents but that night he slept in my arms.  You called a few times and I got to hear your voice.  It hurt so bad to hear the lady say “you have 60 seconds”, I always remember crying.  Well it’s been 3 long years since I’ve heard from you.  You’ve never put money on my JPay, never put money on the phone.  Do you cry for me now that I’m the one that’s locked up and the roles are reversed?  Do you cry for our son?  He told me last week he cries for me because he feels so sad for me that I’m in here.  I told him mommy should be the one who is sad for him because he doesn’t get to have his mommy.  Do you remember how every Father’s Day you got your mom a Father’s Day card?  Do you think our son will do that for me when he’s grown or are you gonna step up?  We miss you Daddy!  This Sunday is Mother’s B-day, Happy Mother’s Day to me…I will remember crying…


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