I am breaking all the rules since its 45 after, meaning I am able to get off my bunk and use the restroom. However when I see the C/O walk through the front door I try to duck back off into the bathroom to avoid confrontation cause he likes to give me shit. Of course he sees me and instead of letting me make it he has to assert his dominance and instead of diffusing the situation I automatically resort to sarcasm. “That was covert op’s Sgt., it must be your military training” (Damnit Ashley!) he made me watch as he typed up an incident report, all along I’m making comments.
Him: That’s a demotion
Me: I’m already a level one
Him: Oh so you just don’t care about your life?
I let him provoke me
Me: Well I was a level four for 14 months so either I’m good or good at it.
Me to myself: Just shut up sometimes asshole!!! I thought I’d mastered my mouth after this time. Shit. Round 2
I’ve turned soft. My body feels squishy. I no longer smash people out just to do it and then today at labor pool I get upset because a speck of dirt got on my boots, WTF?? It was my understanding the penitentiary toughens you up- this women’s lock up (Oklahoma) is a joke. Although it shows resolve that I can use my words rather than my hands (to get home quicker) and although maybe I looked better with all these pretty curves than 90% of these women and although it never hurts to keep your kicks clean and keep up with your swag game…the word punk comes to mind. Is there a happy medium in life after this or if I wanna stay out of this piece will I be forced to remain squishy??