Episode 56 More From Rene

I can only be me

I sit here and listen to myself as I tell people I can only be me!

Actually, who am I trying to really be?

I need people to understand the many things that us as women has to really be in life

It’s as if we have 10 people living inside us because no matter how hard we try, we really just can’t be me as much as we want to be, try to be and live to be.

So in this world that we choose to live in we as woman have to be;

A woman in the streets but a freak in the sheets as men put it.

A lover, a friend, a companion, a mother, a counselor since we have to counsel our children in some situations through this life we gave them.

We, at times become a wife in this life as well as a teacher.

Whether we realize it or not or have taken the time to analyze who we try to really be is a mystery because actually there is different personalities that are hidden behind the face of a woman.

Remember that all smiling faces are not as happy as they appear to be, not all friendly faces are as friendly as they seem to be, not all beautiful faces are not as pretty as they may be on the outside because on the inside could really be another hidden personality that you cannot see.

With every person that a woman has to be in this life has its own character, personality, face and hidden lady that we dare allow you to meet.

This brings me to wonder and question “who am I really trying to be?”

At times I like me, but do I really love me?

I trust me but do I really understand me?

I believe in me but do I really know me?

It’s hard for me to know  who I really am when behind this face that’s revealed openly to the world has a dark face that’s hidden behind  this smiling, beautiful, glowing, friendly, loveable, caring face that has a mask hidden that you cannot see but is revealed as me.

The person I say is me, loves everybody and trusts nobody and deeply cares for somebody.

The person I long to be is a woman looking to be loved but is afraid of love and questions love.

Wants to remove the darkness in me that keeps me from being me, woman I truly want to be.

I want to be able to come out of my shell and reveal me, the inside of me and let the old me become the real me.

Who longs and awaits to know the real me that can’t see me behind the shadows that haunt me.

Who can I find in life to help me, not hurt me, abuse me, mistreat me, lie to me or walk away from me one the shadows of me come out of me.

This brings me back to the beginning again when I said “who is really me?”

The shadows within thee, the revealed face that you see or the unfamiliar face that you meet.

I’m tired of living a lie trying to become me, only God can change and save me as well as reveal me the lady whom he chooses to be me.

The real me!

Rene McCullough

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