I Over Think Everything

 

I was laying in bed contemplating the differences in myself from prison til now and wondered how much of it is just being the innate you (the one without societal laws) being stuck in different situations.  When someone says “That is so you” or “that reminds me of you” are they referring to the you that is you or the you that is created by trying to fit into a mold that may or may not be fitting to human nature?

The reason that I can’t get this thought out of my head is that I can’t understand why certain people react differently to certain situations in the first place.  That makes the term human nature broad as fuck!!!  I know that in prison I felt compelled to work on myself physically and spiritually, meaning I worked out a lot and gained as much knowledge as possible.  These are two things that gain respect in the penal system.  Now that I’m out, I work as much as possible and try to keep the people I care about happy.

Is it in my nature as a human to try to excel in whatever situation I am in or is it the want of other people to realize that I am excelling in whatever situation I am in.  I speak often of intent and deliberation but what is my intent and deliberation??  Is it to be noticed for being good at being human or is it more of a self reassuring nature??  I love my husband and I love my mother but if they weren’t here would I still do it??  I wish I knew…..

The continuing question that I have is purpose driven and not in the way of a Christian novel, I want to know the reason for wanting to strive.  The reason that we are human, I know that I find more purpose in a life that is full of drive and structure but I wish I knew why I feel that way!

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